And Now On a Lighter Note

Lost

The past three years have really been rough for me education-wise. My neighborhood school full of people I respected and cared for was basically run into the ground by what can only be described as a unqualified, vindictive, paranoid, and possibly mentally ill principal. Last year I was offered the chance to escape to a school with some of the people I had worked with and promises of a great new position and a caring exciting principal. Within weeks, the cracks started showing in the facade of that school as deja vu set in. Paranoid rantings, personal attacks against teachers in front of the entire staff, yelling at teachers in front of their classes, moving teachers and staff randomly w/o thought to what best for students and the school because of perceived opinions she thought people had against her. The level of meanness there was sickening to your soul. Way too much like the first principal with 2/3 of the staff planning to leave by January. This year I've got administration who are there if I send someone to them but so hidden in the building that they have no effect except as reactive. I feel lost and don't know how to fix myself. There is nothing to go back to but I can't see the future either. I spent today in a great staff development and felt inspired as an educator but feel sick at the idea of going back into the classroom next Monday. How do I find myself again?

Run away, run away!!!!

My mentor told me yesterday that I should start early looking for another job because I really should get out of our school. He said that he can't put up with it anymore. Great. I was really just hoping to borrow some Atlases. Good motivational speech there. As if I hadn't figured that out from the first two weeks of school. To top it off, one of the attendance ladies called me during my last class to yell at me because I suggested in an ARD review that her daughter was having trouble adjusting to high school. This is the same lady who writes excuse passes so her daughter shows up late to my room all the time. How do I handle this one? Want to email my principal but really just feel like running away to hide in a cave for a while.

My Buddha has been blown up

I just haven't been up to blogging. In the past two weeks, I have dealt with so many outrageous behavioral issues in my classes that it is difficult to remember at times that I am an experienced intelligent teacher who knows the common sense ways of dealing with students issues. I am positively overwhelmed. The only modicum of relief is that all of us dealing with the 9th graders are on a slow simmer right now because of the rising issues with disrespect, defiance and thuggery. We are talking about it and organizing. I have also received 12 new students this past week and lost two. My classes are bursting at the seams. If too many students drop PreAP at the end of the semester, I will literally be teaching with students flowing out my door. My latest student announced to the class in the first two minutes that I will need to meet his probation officer. I couldn't help myself. I actually gave him two thumbs up and told him that I couldn't wait. When my department meets and the AP teachers complain about grading papers, I want to throw spit balls at them and tell them at least they got someone to turn something in. My classes are so removed from the PreAP and AP classes. They have no idea what idea my Gen Ed/Inclusion/ESL/just released from Juvie classes are like. I am at a loss to predict what the future will hold for some of these kids. I'd say a third have no idea what basic social manners and skills are required for every day living. I am not exaggerating either. I can say I am honestly trying as hard as I can. I make a point of saying hello to each student every class period and trying to make contact in some meaningful educational way. The kicker is that my head and heart are at odds right now. Some of those kids I am trying to help are responsible for beating up and trying to rob my son and his friend last night at the DART station at Park Lane. Don't know who personally but could probably find out. I am a little scared to go to school tomorrow. I am afraid I've lost something important in myself or that I'm filled with some simmering darkness that might spill out. I feel like my giant inner core of peace has been shattered just like the Taliban blowing up the Buddhas in Afghanistan. Five days until Thanksgiving break, five days until Thanksgiving break.

And they call it the moooon

Did anyone see the gorgeous moon in the sky this morning? The air was a lovely crisp and the moon seemed so close that there seemed to be a clarity everywhere. I love Autumn. I should probably live somewhere where there really are trees whose leaves change color and then fall to the ground. Around here, we should change the season's name to Dump. One day the leaves are green, a strong wind comes and blows everything around and the next day, there are a bunch of leaves seemingly dumped in the corner of my yard. But today, with this weather, you can call it Nirvana. My mood couldn't even be fazed by Miss Skippy June's pronouncement that Ms. 100 Farmers was indeed a B*&$%. Now Miss Skippy June has only managed to make my class four times since school started so we're not as emotionally vested as she thinks we are. I know she certainly didn't get the response she was looking for. After her declaration that I was closely related to the female canine family, I casually asked her if she had been talking to my sister again. It may not have been the ultimate professional teacher response but I unintentionally scored some serious street cred with my 7th period. The funniest part was watching her trying to flounce to her seat in a room that has been rearranged four times since she last showed up. Yeah, yeah, I wrote her up and la la la, the wheels of my administration run a whole lot smoother than my previous district's so Miss Skippy June will probably be looking at the moon from a new school next month. I hope the moon shines some clarity on her then. In the meantime, this B@#$% too busy gettin' her edumacation on to let those haters get her down. Word.

Things I Should Have Learned by Now

1. Do not grab the cookie sheet above the oven vent with bare hands.
2. You cannot put off copying a class set until the last minute because it will cause every copy machines to break all at once.
3. The BS lesson you throw together for Monday morning will cause the curriculum director to miraculous visit your room.
4. Your overhead light bulb will burn out in the middle of an important interactive lesson.
5. Check the pockets of all clothes going into the washer. I found four pens in the last load: after washing but luckily before drying.
6. You will run into someone you know when you run down to get a paper with bedhead and no bra.
7. Your most challenging(worst)kid will usually rise to the occasion with defiance, snoring, desk malfunction or profanity during said curriculum director's five minute visit.
8. Do not leave the remote for any electronic device out in your room(interpret this as in reach of students).
9. Your classroom will be steaming the day you wear a sweater and freezing the day you wear a light dress with short sleeves.
10. Your students will always complain that it is too hot/too cold/too hard/boring even when things are perfect.

My weekend summed up

Going to make this short and simple: Don't going running after eating okra at lunch.

Wait a minute

I was quite touched when a student told me last week in a very sweet voice that she prayed that I would win the Texas Lotto. It wasn't until I was driving home later that I realized that she might be praying that I leave teaching completely. Seriously, this week was easier. I am feeling much more comfortable in my skin and I feel like I might have jumped a major hurdle just getting the first six weeks of grades finalized. Of course, now come the parent phone calls about junior and juniorette's grades. I have to admit that I am a little bit lonely and am actually missing the once a week department planning meetings. It would be nice to know where everyone else is and that I'm somehow headed in the right direction. If the Good Lord blew the Lotto my way, that would work also.