Friday, February 29, 2008

Hobbies: Grandkids, gardening and church

My grandmother had a stroke last Monday and after a week in a coma, passed away this Monday. It has been a horrible week. We were told to expect her to die at any moment and then by Friday, we were apologetically told that they didn't know why she was still alive. It is honestly the most surreal feeling to pray for someone to die. I spent so much time watching every single tiny breath at the hospital that I don't think I really processed the fact that she was actually dead until it was time for the last goodbye at the coffin before we headed to the cemetery. My grandmother had bypass surgery a few days before Christmas and it went really well. The whole family postponed our traditional Christmas Eve dinner at her house until she was to get out of the rehab hospital. She was very disappointed that she had not been able to buy the great-grandkids presents before the surgery. We decorated her room though for Christmas and my cousin even bought her some leopard-print pajamas that looked fantastic on my 84 year old grandmother. And now she's gone. It feels like a month of my own life has been torn apart like a page from a calendar. All these things planned and expected are gone. I am so balled up in anger for losing her and heart-sad for the Christmas Eves and Easters that we will not have with her anymore. There's a strange joy attached to all these emotions though because I know that she has missed my Pappy terribly and is finally with him again. I am just having such a hard time with this. I know that I should be learning something about the fleeting nature of life from this but I'm really thinking that this damn school year needs to get over with quickly. It has been a helluva year.


Mike in Texas said...

I know what you're going through. I had a year like that in 2005.

Hang tough

Simply Sublime said...

My heart hurts for you. I lost my mom a year ago and it still hurts daily not to have her around. The best thing to do is focus on the good and let the craziness of school distract you as much as it can. My thoughts are with you.

CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

Paradoxically, even though you've had a rough school year, your job will save you from becoming completely mired in the muck of your grief.

Losing a loved one is never easy. Tears and anger are appropriate responses. From what little you say, it sounds as though your grandmother was a wonderful woman. Treasure the memories as you continue to grieve.