My Buddha has been blown up

I just haven't been up to blogging. In the past two weeks, I have dealt with so many outrageous behavioral issues in my classes that it is difficult to remember at times that I am an experienced intelligent teacher who knows the common sense ways of dealing with students issues. I am positively overwhelmed. The only modicum of relief is that all of us dealing with the 9th graders are on a slow simmer right now because of the rising issues with disrespect, defiance and thuggery. We are talking about it and organizing. I have also received 12 new students this past week and lost two. My classes are bursting at the seams. If too many students drop PreAP at the end of the semester, I will literally be teaching with students flowing out my door. My latest student announced to the class in the first two minutes that I will need to meet his probation officer. I couldn't help myself. I actually gave him two thumbs up and told him that I couldn't wait. When my department meets and the AP teachers complain about grading papers, I want to throw spit balls at them and tell them at least they got someone to turn something in. My classes are so removed from the PreAP and AP classes. They have no idea what idea my Gen Ed/Inclusion/ESL/just released from Juvie classes are like. I am at a loss to predict what the future will hold for some of these kids. I'd say a third have no idea what basic social manners and skills are required for every day living. I am not exaggerating either. I can say I am honestly trying as hard as I can. I make a point of saying hello to each student every class period and trying to make contact in some meaningful educational way. The kicker is that my head and heart are at odds right now. Some of those kids I am trying to help are responsible for beating up and trying to rob my son and his friend last night at the DART station at Park Lane. Don't know who personally but could probably find out. I am a little scared to go to school tomorrow. I am afraid I've lost something important in myself or that I'm filled with some simmering darkness that might spill out. I feel like my giant inner core of peace has been shattered just like the Taliban blowing up the Buddhas in Afghanistan. Five days until Thanksgiving break, five days until Thanksgiving break.